Today’s post is about being late. For instance, I have developed a terrible habit of being constantly late for school. It has never been so bad before I went to Broniewski High School. During the first term in my first grade, I managed to only be late two or three times at all. But I also noticed very quickly that no one cared if I was late or not, even if my delay was very long. So in the other term there were already weeks when I was late eight times.

I don’t think anyone has ever given me a good reason to avoid being late. Every day when I’m leaving for school, it looks like all the external conditions were plotting against me. Firstly, I have to put on my socks and shoes, unless it’s summer and I only put sandals or — in the past — no shoes at all. Then I still have to pack all the most necessary items. The list’s contents vary on time of the year, but almost always include a few constant positions, like a good book to read, a working pen or pencil and my notebook. I think most of you know that I wanted to become a writer all the time since my early childhood, but it took me many years to realize how essential carrying a notebook is. During periods of intensive work on my last sixteen novels, I used to carry my Olivetti 84 typewriter and a ream of paper, while in summer I put my skateboard in my backpack when I’m not using it at the moment. When the n-th repetition of the whole packing procedure is over, it often turns out that I need a drink. As a result, when I arrive at school, it often turns out that the lessons ended long ago and I could as well never have come. But I always do go out. There are several reasons for that. One is that I am accustomed to going to school and I would have nothing interesting to do at home, anyway. Another one is that my mother tells me to do so, although she isn’t really a good example herself, as she is always at least half an hour late for work. Recently I heard her say on the phone in the morning: ‘I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t talk to you at the moment, because I need to hurry to work.’ It really sounded like a joke, just like when my brother went to a party once and had to promise he would not drink alcohol.

And there is another joke (read on the Suche Żarty group on Facebook):
‘You know, Natasha, my failproof spy watch indicates you have no panties on you.’
‘Your failproof watch is wrong, Bond.’
‘Oh, sorry. Looks like it’s half an hour fast.’
I took my genuine Rolex watch to school to use it as a prop for the joke. The watch itself has a long history. I bought it in Beijing Earth Park for 30 RMB and it ceased to work after a few days. A friend of mine suggested that I could go to a watchmaker and have it adjusted and the battery changed for around 20 Zloty, and it would be working nice then. The problem was that it would be more than I originally paid for it.

I didn’t have many opportunities to tell the joke, because I have only had a lesson and a half, but I had a lot of time to write instead. I went to Komisja Wojskowa (does anyone know the proper word for that?), only to find out that I am fit as a fiddle — that is an idiom that have never used before and that I had to check. I would say I’m zdrów jak ryba — healthy as a fish in Polish. I didn’t know what to tell them when they asked me about my interests, so I only told them I like languages.

I need to write more in Chinese by hand. I know the words but I keep forgetting what the characters are. For instance, I checked 耽误 four times but I keep forgetting it. I will have to know more characters if I’m going to be a good translator.